I commonly hear the question, What is psychotherapy anyway? Whether you are considering psychotherapy for the first time, or even if you are just curious, this is for you.
So what is psychotherapy? If you ask several different therapists, you’re likely to get several different answers. Often there is overlap, but each therapist tends to have a distinctive approach.
If you ask me to explain what psychotherapy is, I would say this. First, it is a unique relationship between you and a therapist where the therapist is focused on your needs, provides a confidential space for verbal exploration, and comes in with a strong knowledge of psychological research and theory. Therapy is provided by those with specialized training, not just anyone who wants to provide compassionate help. This ensures that the therapist knows what they are doing and is acting in an ethical manner.
Psychotherapy can have many different goals. Broadly, I might say that psychotherapy is aimed at increasing psychological flexibility, cultivating a more accurate view of oneself, and improving the quality of functioning in relationship with others. You may also come in with specific goals that are important, such as feeling better, learning more about yourself, finding ways to cope, or deriving greater meaning from life. However, it’s important to remember that these are hoped-for outcomes of psychotherapy, rather than goals themselves.
It’s kind of like trying to be happy. The more you chase happiness, the more it eludes you (see The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris). But if you chase a life that’s meaningful, happiness happens along the way. The same is true of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy does not simply make you “feel better,” but it is frequently the case that increasing in psychological flexibility and improving in your sense of self and ability to meaningfully connect with others does in fact bring greater satisfaction with life. And it can be so relieving.
Another goal of sorts is that you have the experience of feeling heard, seen and valued throughout the therapeutic process. Not only does that facilitate good therapy, but every person has inherent worth and I believe they should have that recognized. Oftentimes it was not recognized in the past for people. Maybe it wasn’t always recognized by the people in your life. I would like therapy to be different.
Now, it will not always be the case that you are always happy with your therapist. Feelings of confusion, frustration, anger, and sadness are all common. In regular relationships, we often conceal these feelings. However, a key part of therapy is being able to speak openly about these experiences. This is VITAL for the therapeutic process. We sometimes use the technical term “transference” to refer to those feelings, and we have just such a term because of how important it is to explore. You are invited to share these feelings anytime they arise. Such powerful change can happen when something is made “speakable,” especially those things that were hidden in the dark or unarticulated for so long.
You may also find that therapy isn’t all about giving great advice. Powerful change can occur when we put aside the quick fixes to get in touch with what’s really going on. Solutions have their place, even in therapy, but they can be kind of like a Tylenol at times. Definitely helpful and can provide quick relief, but not always good at treating the underlying issue. The unstructured exploration that happens when advice is delayed is much better at getting to the root of issues. This is also the path towards more long-lasting change.
If this is the kind of work you are looking to engage in, I encourage you to reach out today! Or visit Psychology Today and look for another psychotherapist who might be a good fit. It’s never too late. There is a Chinese proverb that goes like this:
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”